DIALOGUES

...Hey, for a long time i'd been tired blogging about myself , even though its like about a quaterly blog yes I try...I'd promised the next time am blogging it ain gon be myself, so yeah guys sit back i have gist for you.

My girls and i got together after a long period of time. We like to call ourselves the BIG FOUR. mehnn we go a long way.
Boa one of us just got her masters from one of the Ivy league schools and wanted to throw a big arse party and since its been long since the four of us got together in one place we all thought it was an oppurtunity to get together and reminisce.
It was so good to see my friends again, all looking so radiant and so chic!!
Boa and i met in Nigeria, Boa was a sharp one, must i say extremely witty and fast, oohhh boy i thot i was fast , shes the fastest, she wants something she gets it and on her own terms, i love that girl. We met during preparation for our JAMB exams, Boa and i had joined one major school of classes in the city to  give us extra help in preparing for our Exam.

"No...if you mix sodium plus chlorine it will give you sodium-chloride ..NACL2 which is also know as salt which we eat.. But then to get it to become salt it has to go thru some processes ...and thats what am trying to say...its not magic...its a process....

I looked and saw a pretty girl called Boa chattering and confronting our chemistry tutor...if you grew up in Nigeria you would know its a big deal to confront your tutor..but this girl armed with facts showed that guy the deal.....I smiled and looked on to my Ababio text book.

"hey girl...i really like your outfit, where you get it from?"
I looked up and it was Boa...I smiled....oh i really dont know...I just threw on diff things bought from diff places...
"oh really , its cute...am Boa"
 "oh yeah I know who you are?.."
"oh u do ...she grinned..didnt know I was that popular..
I said well yes I know you by face...she said..oh thats good enough and giggled...
We talked for a while and i'd discovered we lived in the same estate and had done so all our lives...
I was like wow...how come i didnt know you....
We hit it off straight and we became good friends....I introduced her to one of my best friends..kummy and she had another friend who had left after 2nd yr in high skool to america , but comes home often and that was Oye. We all just became tight, whenever oye was home we 4 was inseperable, when shes gone , we 3 hold the homestead.
Later on Boa and I left nigeria, Kummy was suppose to come, but her dad kept postponing her travel..apparently we later got to find out..kummy's dad had been building a mansion for a woman..and Nope it ain kummy's mom...so he'd been spending kummy's tution fee all because of Obo(pussy). Anyway her dad died all in the process of being with this woman...may his sould RIP....but after a while kummy just felt it would be better for her to complete her education in one of nigeria's well known university and even when we offered to help her come she said no shes almost done and declined to join us. But we never for a long period of time lost touch.
B' thats what we call Boa for short...moved to california..while i moved to another state..and Oye was in Ny...it was so painful for us to be apart, but we kept in touch as much as possible.
So when we all heard B' was graduating ....whooooo! we knew whatever the case we were going to have a reunion.Even Kummy had booked her ticket 3 months in advance in Nigeria.
So you guys can imagine the joy and the excitement that came with me seeing my 3 beautiful precious friends again..

Boa: Men are bastards....

Oye: oh hoo.....please dont let our reunion be about those bastards....
**hahahaha we all burst out laughing**

Boa: Seriously oblige me for a minute....am tired...I mean I've had it up to here with those assholes...

Me: Awwwwww sweetie who is it this time..I hope they didnt get you bad....

Boa: You bet they did.....

Kummy : Hummmmmppphhhhh

Boa: You girls know the guy I was talking about..omodun am sure you do , the one I had met at the seminar...Shito ...how we had hit it off and I felt I found the one...??

Me: Yes, Yes the cute one...

Boa: Exactly the cute on the outside but dangerous on the inside one....

Oye: (filing her nails) What he do??

Boa: Well you guys know we been kicking it and all....I was feeling him and he was feeling me..but I wasnt letting sex happen..even tho i was deeply attracted to him I wasnt giving it up...

Oye: Really??

Boa: Oh yeah really , cos I had feelings for him I wanted to be sure we are on the same page, so when we sleep together i'd know whether to attach my emotions...or know whether we just having sex and not making Love...

Me: interesting concept....

Boa: Anyway....we'd been kicking it everything all good...when suddenly he was at my place one night and we were talking , and gurls let me add, hes very good company his presence stimulates me....he was set to travel the next day...so we were talking and he started all his wack ass moves...trying to smooche , caress , hug  and kiss me....cos i know i couldnt resist , I didnt let him come close ..I excused myself....

Kummy: Na wa ooo

Boa:.....finally he said he had to go...we did the normal hugging ....i kissed him and he hugged me longer than usual and left. So I thought oh well he would call me when he got to his destination...1st day my phone never ring, 2nd day nanthing...days ran into 1 week...am like mooogbe...I hope hes okay......

Kummy: I'd be darned worried...

Boa: Oh yeah bet you I was , and have in mind that my state of mind wasnt even settled in terms of if i wanted to be with someone I have that much feeeling for , when am not sure if he wants me....finally week 2 I called him....and lo and behold...

Kummy: **Kummy readjusted her sitting position moving close to boa to hear whats coming next **

Boa:..he picked up the phone , sounding all normal....here was I thinking maybe he was in hospital and all....but obviously my guy was hale and hearty...

Kummy: **Kummy sank to her chair**

Boa: Hey shito...what happened to you...he said...nothing....i said what do you mean nothing....you have not even bothered to check up on me to see how am doing, what do you have to say to that?....he said look...i know you dont want me...I thought you did not want to be with me, you wont let me hold you , kiss you nothing..and i was beginning to fall in love with you...so the only way I knew how to deal with it was to move on, that way it hurts but its better now than later...I went mmhhhh dats still bullshit shito...I didnt say I dont wanna date you, I just feel you are moving too fast...gosh you even talking about babies...i just wanna know you much more 1st ...i dint say NO or did I?....shito if you really like someone like you claim...even if they say No ...you will still wanna talk to them be around them, according to my knowledge if the love/likeness was genuine....you will still wanna be with 'em....or girls dont you agree

Me: Oh yeah I definately feel you %100 on that...

Boa: Anyway he said ....am sorry that was the only way I knew how to deal with it....sisters I liked this man, he didnt even have to apologise I wanted him back, and this man hasnt even dicked me yet , but i was hooked...I dont know exactly what but I guess I was just hooked....thats how he came back...at that time he was fixing to go to Nigeria for holidays and some business.... about a week prior to his travel date..he went missing in action...by that time it wasnt new to me anymore...you know after the first time, I wasnt really that comfortable with him staying....but i still wanted to be with him..but i was mentally prepared for the next time he would leave...so this time I wasnt really worried but was mighty dissapointed...cos the night before he dissapeared we had a nice night , nope we did not sleep together , but we had a nice time together...when he was leaving he didnt want to ...he was just looking at me and very reluctant to go...kai....okunrin o le ku ire ( men will not die well).....and when he was gone for 3days....oh boy I didnt even worry am like oh well maybe it isnt meant to be..maybe its time to let go.....so na so i collect kamu oooo....dey do my gentle self go about my biz...."gring ,gring gring" day 3 my phone rang at night and it was this fool...

Me: Na wa ooo

Boa: ..so i picked up , was even short of words, did not know if to be happy he called or be sad.....he went hey baby how r u..i went mmmhhhhh shito....he said hey i had an asthma attack..

Oye:Whooops

Boa:...i was like really...well he'd told me he lost his brother to asthma but never did he tell me he was asthmatic, so i felt bad like I could have called him...but u know what babies...something in me didnt believe him...am like really and you couldnt contact me...i'd like to see you hospital records to show you were really there.

Me: Haba thats like taking it too far now..

Boa: But omodun, this guy had built so much doubt in me, I dint even know what to believe anymore.

Me: well....

Boa: Anyway he said he was going to bring it over and he wanted to see my music collection , he was gon call back, girls i have never been so confused in my life, i just didnt know what to do, my heart was Hold on to him, My head head was like RUN RUN RUN....RUNNN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE...
Me: *by this time i was reeling with laughter the way she was screaming RUN just as if something was really chasing her**

Boa: Omodum I wish it was that funny oo...

Kummy: So what happened next...

Boa: Ah my sister relax..i dey bring bird come from my pocket , u dey ask shei na white or black...i will tell you everything...

Oye: Gawsh what has birds got to do with this ??
**we all echoed AJEBOTA!! and started lauging**

Kummy: its like a proverb , its a nigerian thing...she giggled...

Oye:But am nigerian too

Me: yeah right, akata, you cant even say one proverb....

Oye: that does not make me non-naijarian

Boa: you cant even pronounce Nigeria well, i wonder for you shaa and not like you grew up here all you life Gad!!

Oye: yeah whatever , you cave-women...
** we all burst out laughing**

Me: So boa..
Boa: ..okay as i was saying this guy dissapeared and it was about around the time he was suppose to travel, i did not know the exact date but i knew he was suppose to travel. So after he called 3 days after been MIA..he said was travelling that weekend, I said No no way you didnt tell me..and blah blah....he said he did..well he did say the month but never the exact date!!....well turns out ol'boy was leaving soon , he said he was gon pick up some music  and that was how he was gone...

Me: Wow...are you sure that guy is not married or somn'

Boa: How did you know what i was thinking..

Kummy: Oh hes definately married...gba be...thats how men do when they are....or have a serious relationship going ..all that asthma thing na cock and bull story..

Me: mmmmhhh......kummy omo naija paraku....dem don show you be that oo..

Kummy:...lol after going to uni in nigeria you would have had an experience or 2 with these dirty married or trifling cheating men...

Me: Lol...dont conclude yet now...

Kummy: Shuu..whats there to conclude , its written all over...

Boa: Anyway you know say i don dey fall in love small small with this guy, so i had doubts but just didnt care, I was like if he goes and dont call me, thats it. Its over, I didnt realise all na easier said than done oo. Like 6months waka pass I never hear from this guy...

Kummy: Kai...oloriburuku..

Boa:My gurls I was sha getting my groove on with this other guy i met, tho i wasnt feeling him, but for this yankee who cares about feeling anyway, i just dey while away time, i had done my semi-funeral for the idiot that left, i wrote down his name burnt it to ashes and buried it...

Me: Ah ah B' maka way...kole toyen now(it ain that deep)....

Boa: ol e ju beyen lo mehn(its deeper than that)....

Kummy: raising her hands....take five my sister, i trust you.

Boa: So...mo je akara ijo meje were..(in nigeria when someone dies the family comes together and fry some bean-cakes after 7days , like a wake-keeping thing)...still kicking it with this new guy, which by the way that one too na another story, infact i have just had it, maybe i need to become a lesbian..

Me: Lol...you dey mad..

Boa: Yes ke, if we knock a door forever and it refuses to open, you suppose waka to another door now..abi...

Kummy: Thats what am talking about..

Oye: Could you guys take it easy on the zulu language please

Boa: Oye shut up, you ought to be ashamed of your self that you cant speak you lang fluently, Gad I keep saying at least you lived in nigeria for a significant number of years and you come on holidays so whats your excuse..?\

Oye: Okay missy, this ain about moi..its about your hit and run.....

Boa: Ohhhh...i know Miss 'I cant get a man" didnt just say that...

Me: Hey ladies please....e don do.....oye please...lets just lissen to the whole gist..and boa you didnt have to talk to her like that...

Boa: Am sorry shaa but oye can get on your nerves sometimes....

Kummy: Okay resume gist....
Boa: ..anyway na so gring gring...my phone rang, strange number didnt pick it up..that person left a message, I was like bah will lissen to it later, when i have the chance na so later i press 1 to retrieve msg
  "]You have one unread msg, Furst unread msg:
       Hey Boa, Its me Shito, I just got back from nigeria today, please give me a call as soon as you get this
      msg am not even sure you remember me , its Shito"
My jaw dropped, I was like da hell?...and at this same time was excited, girls dis love ting na wa oo...i was mad same time I was glad to hear his voice..sad abi?

Kummy: yeah sad and pathetic

Oye: Wow that sounds desperate...

Me: OYEEE!!!!!!

Boa: *ignoring oye* anyway....to your dissapointment, your girl called him back ooo....

Me: Mehn..why now....

Boa: chick you dont know how i felt or feel...

Me: Girl please ..i too have had my own share of come and go now....its not new, you just need to know how to handle them...didnt i tell you about that guy that I met who went missing in action too....infact finish up your story...

Boa: ..Well guess what we talked and it was like he never left, i realised how much i was still in-like with him..so we got back together....i totally forgot about my shoe-shiner , fill-in the space boyfriend, that one i set him aside shaa....

Me: So what did he say happened..

Boa: he gave some silly excuse but of cos, you know i didnt care cos nothing he says can ever justify what he did...honestly i dint care I just wanted to kick it with him......

Me: Na wa oo

Kummy: In other words you wanted your punani serviced...

Oye: *lauging*

Me: oh gawd...lol...

Boa: lol...yeah maybe....i had had the chance to feel his thingie...gurls this guy is fully loaded, so lets just say i had been having wet dreams about his dickie sha...

Kummy: Yes I said it.. i was wondering now....so na cos of oko (dick)all along..

Me: rotlmao...kummy stop

Kummy: Seriously what dick can do shaa...

Oye: *still laughing*

Boa: Maybe ..lol...but seriously i wanted to sample him...so i dint care....but guess what i was mightyly dissapointed and i bit my toungue afterwards..

Me: What happend his dick shrinked??

Kummy: *laughing* dem take his dick do money ritual when he went to 9ja and he lost it...

  **all over us holding our bellies laughing real hard - am not sure if it was that funny or it was just the way     it was being said by boa and kummy , when its real life story its funnier**

Boa: This man's dick was just big for nothing ehn....my sisters he does not know how to use this gift of da lord..

Oye: Oh my goodness....

Boa: You can say that again....all he wanted was just to ram into me...and since i wasnt ready to start walking like a duck hit by a wheel barrow , i had to say something...this guy was trying so hard to enter that my vagina walls was tightening real hard , as if it was closing it was impossible for him to penetrate...

Me: Moogbe....talk about huge dissapoinment...

Boa: The more he tried ....the more painful it got it was just like i was a virgin again...

Oye: Say what!!

Boa: Am not sure if its dick thats too big or its me thats too tight or both.....

Oye: Mehn he must be real big...

Boa : *her eyes bulging* if you look at it before he attempts to enter am sure you will just run outside naked..for your dear life...

Me: lol o serious shaaa....brother oloko nla....lol

Kummy: Thats what they call caterpillar ...if he jam you na igbobi you go find yourself....

Boa: Mehn I was so dissapointed...in other words he wasnt able to screw me sha that night.

Oye: Well am not sure he didnt screw you...

Me: Well if he couldnt penetrate, i wouldnt count that as screwing...

Kummy: true oo ....but he tried to, it just didnt enter as per the gbola too big or she too tight...i wont consider that sex...

Me: Kai kummy sex expert.

Boa: Anyway it was fustrating shaa..and you know me i cant keep my opinion inside na so i tok am say he does not know how to work it ...

Me: Boa ti pami ooo (Boa has killed me)

Boa: Yes ke...i said you just dont know my body , you just wanna enter....

Oye: No you didnt

Boa: Yes i did...but you know in all this guy came shaa....without penetrating and if you see all the cum that came out alone, it can fill up a tera-foam cup and i ain kinding it was thick as hell too...am like see man you cum me come dey look like lucozade. Later he was like i aint come like that in my life and i wasnt even inside...what will happen if i do....whats it about you..am like umm....you will never....he looked at me funny and kept staring...shei me i was kuku still bitter that he came and i did not....i was still brooding...
he left that day....and lets just say...since then...I have not heard a word from Mr oloko-nla oo

Me: *Jaw opening*...iro oooo....

Boa: Who lie am....first 3 days i was praying he dont call...cos after that ordeal mehn..i thot i had enough...anyway after a while i was missing him and realised I didnt care if the sex was bad , it was him I wanted..

Me: You sef do you know what you want,,,

Boa: Yes I do..well to some extent....hes been gone shaa...and wow i miss him...sometimes I get angry , but then when i remember his face my heart softens...

Oye: Then pick up the darn phone and call him...

Boa: Nope!!..i have my pride, I really dont care..oh but that was one guy I know I could live with for the next 10yrs..

Kummy: So are you saying hes gone now....

Boa: before nko..isnt that the gist of the story...i have been hearing it that men will do anything to get in your pata(pants) I really didnt believe it till now..

Oye: But he didnt really get in your pants like that...ain like he fcuked the shit out of you or somn..

Me: I agree with Oye...I wouldnt count that has getting in your pants , and if that was his mission, trust me he would have come back for more till he had his fill
   ** Abi my ppl what do you think about my analysis***

Kummy: But why would he leave suddenly like that after that night..

Boa: thats also my question....

Kummy: Cos like Omodun said if it was about sex, i know 9ja guys he would come back at least 3 times...before he does micheal johnson run comot...

Me: Lol kummy you don mad...

Kummy: Well shaa I still think hes married...maybe he was getting too attached and he thot he was going to get in trouble if he continued...

Me: Am beginning to see reason with kummy...

Oye: yeah me too or he has a long standing gf that has a hold on him one way or the other....

Boa: marriage or long standing e no go better for dem mama including his....
  * we all burst out laughing**

Me: What we women go through abroad over these 9ja men...after a while you know i was like thats it for me for 9ja men oo, na so I concentrate on my carribean and white men, even eriterean men....but those ones are boring and I find myself back to 9ja men..those horrible creatures...e tire me...

Kummy: Its not only abroad, its worse in nigeria, women get married today cos of society, you are expected to get married and be prepared for your husband to cheat on you...

Me: Sad

Kummy: very sad indeed, married women now hop from men to men..i dont blame them shaa...when you have a husbd not fufiling his role you will find a way to take care of yourself now...

Me: But that is disrespectful to the institution of marriage now...

Kummy: that one na grammar oo...go tell them for nigeria...no one cares, its dog eat dog, everyone is just doing their own thing....

Oye: Thats why I would never get married...

Me: No sweetie you will get married , unless you want your mom to have some high BP.

Boa: Seriously sometimes you wonder if its really worth it....

Me: I know right.....

Oye: You guys guess what??

US: What?????????

Oye: Am going horse-racing next weekend ohh hoooo....
**All of us hissing**

Oye: Whatt!!!

Me:Oye you are so white gurl....gawd.....,Its nice to see you girls again...oops i mean women...its been what like 10yrs we 4 have been together like this..wow its amazing...

Boa: It really is...i love the way you gurls are growing, doing well in your careers , waxing strong, representing for all the 9ja babes.

Me: lol yeah right...

Boa: Forreals..i hear kummy is now a CEO in one of nigeria's reputable finance company...

Kummy: Say who die...dem don lie to you...I claim it in Yesus name...
Me: lol.....una dey craze , no b true talk.....

Kummy: well I try oo.....in my buying and selling business

Me: You mean corporate buying and selling...these ppl in 9ja are really enjoying oo..the last i visited you should come see kummy's office, I was like this na guest room?

Boa: Forreals.....hows your man now...

Me: abeg enough of man talk for today lets focus on ourselves...whos up who getting their nails done..
 They all Echoed me...
We went and got our nails did and we spent most of the time reminiscing, eei see gbeborun...maybe next time I have the chance , I might blog about some interesting things we discussed....

Phew I never knew it could be hard to write if you dont have the time..I have missed you guys...whaattagwan??

2007 BABY!!!!!!!....SOMEONE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR

....And NO its not Joboyo. My pple karma is a bitch or maybe its not karma its just Life with its own unique sense of humour.
For a long time coming I have been that person that does not really take Love seriously , not that i dont want it ...hell yeah...but you guys know its 2007 ......thats more like wishful thinking...if u lucky u get "Loved and U Love "for a year before reality sets in....if u are really Lucky u get loved and Love for life.....
I know i've been away for long...yeah real life takes me away sometimes..but never forever...

Here is the story.....
Later part of last year..I had a day off at work.....after a good night sleep ..I woke up planning on how to make that day different. Luckily it was Friday so I was looking into a long weekend. Woke up ,cleaned up proceeded to pick up one outfit or 2 at the mall. Dressed up...very simply and casually ....went to the mall ...tried on a few outfits...was getting stressed...for me shopping can be stressful, especially if you have a certain thing in mind and u get to the mall only to realise you cant get nothing near it and  u waka waka the mall no luck....... anyway I got something close enough to wat I was looking for...then I realised I had to pick up some few things in the grocery store...mehn u know its funny when you go to grocery store to get one thing and you end up filling ur cart....anyway I got everything that I needed to get and my arse...oh Lord...my arse was suppose to have gone to the self-checkout and pay, but I had to get something else....I dunno why but then I remembered I had to get Just one more thing.....fate???....life tricks??....destiny???.......hummmphhh.
*now picture this in slow motion*
...I walk down the isle...pushing my cart jejely like omo-eko dan dan....and there he was coming directly in front of me....(okay pause slow motion..I must confess dude was good looking and am like mmmhhh I could use this oo).....and he was just staring ...at first u know me now by this my age am used to ppl staring at me...but off cos I dont give them face ......but this gaze caught me ....dont ask OMODUN what happpened..she does not know....
I caught his eyes ..he caught mine...and I smiled (I dont know why I did cos am such a bitch I dont even look their way)..but this one....I SMILED...and looked away....
Then dude found his voice and was like Hey....in my mind I went mmmmmmhhh...No he didnt...this na trouble oo....he said Excuse me....am like....mmmmhhh...I was just going mmmhhh...did not know what to do...I turned back and smiled...(mehn I just dey smile ashawo wey be like shei u go come fuck me tommorow).....
Then he went like ...hey how r u?.....am like ...am cool....hey do you stay around here...I said ohh No....
he went really where are you from??....I dunno know why when anybody ask me where am from ..the next thing I say is Nigeria... a lot of times...ppl will be like I mean what area are you from ..as in where do you stay...before I realise..what they be talking about.....
Anyway dude be like REALLLYY????...THATS GREAT !!!...WOW am nigerian too, what a conincidence , I meant to say what part of town do you stay........
Now the reason I dont get it and why I keep shouting fate is...how in the world do you meet ppl in the grocery store like that in a town full of red necks and they turn out to be Nigerian...I mean i cant count the number of times , I've had akata guys gimme their number for grocey store...but thats akata its understandable...so I began to read more meaning into it....BIG mistake...or dont you think??...dey read story dey go jare..
Dude was like lemme get ur number...we can get together sometime...am like ...mmmhhh.....mmhhhh/.......ppl I was just ,mmmmmhing......and i went like errrrrr.......and he said what??....u forgot ur number??....lol...then I burst out laughing....even though it werent that funny....but u know how stuff is funnier when u feeling someone....No I dint forget my number....I was just thinking how talking to him more will complicate my life considering I have Joboyo and his syndicates lurking around..tho i could walk away from joboyo per or agreement....but am not ready to let go of him like that unless I see something better...hes my Back -up, psshh dey there dey judge me like yll dont have ppl like that..I mean i have dated other ppl with Jobos in the picture...but it was easy for me to just go out with them...cos I never really liked them..so it was easy for me to use em to while away time cos i knew I could walk away easily.......
Anyway my ppl wahala dey oo...Omodun ur girl give him number..and i was hoping he does not call , cos then life will be less complicated for me......but he did....chei...chei....olorun oba ...kila o ti she eyi sii (what we for do now?)..

Come see confusion and how ur girl head just dey go katakata....we hooked up d next day..I realised we just had too much in common...and after a very long time...mehn I must confess...for a minute I was falling in Love...and as the minute grew...I was getting scared....and more scared.. and waiting for that time when I see something wrong with him and would let go immediately..it was too good to be true..u know what they say if its too good to be true ..IT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE..I got scared..I did not know what his intentions are...am not ready to invest my heart in some business am not sure about....
Dude did not make it easier..cos he was feeling me %100..well from what I perceived....and well from what he said..men can be bastards u know .....
But you know where the problem started....oohhh you ppl by now...u should know there is a problem now.....dude was moving too fast for me...I was feeling him...but he was just moving too fast for me..am a very cautious and careful indvidual no matter the situation , I analyze and dissect before I proceed.
Dude started saying things like I think this is Love at first sight...i dont know whats happening...but I wanna be with you blah blah and all the sweet stuff....
Mmmmh my ppl una dey look me?......OMODUN is the playette..she cannot be played...or maybe I saw it in a different light...but that raised a RED FLAG...again I went mmmmmmmmhhhh.....
Fast forward the next day...could you believe it i was seeing this guy each and everyday and i was not even complaining...mehn...this Love/Lust thing get as e b sha..may God help us....we would sit and just talk , talk, mehn i mean hes good company and you know iam too now...lol..j/k ...but he will be like mehn I dont even want u to leave...
ahhhhhhh memories...teen years playing all over again......
But sometime into our conversation he would make one comment or the other ..that really disturbed me ..and yeah I thought it was a red flag....one time he said...WILL YOU HAVE MY BABIES???.....am like whaatt??...is that like the new code for ...will you fuck me or gimme booty tonight....lol,,,,,hilarious individual...u know me ke?..I was like shei u dey craze??...

That is not even the major problem...might be when the signs started coming on....the main problems are...yes they be more than one.... hes not from the same ethnic group as iam....i know , i know ..i dey come back to explain before yll stone me..and call me tribalist.....another one...u know ur guy dey JOBOYO..and I dont wanna walk away finally just for some time waster....another...the Bobo just does not strike me as serious...tho the way he talks is serious..but the way he looks mehn...any woman that believe what that one says I pity....and am at that stage I will not date you seriously if I dont think i can marry u...trust me..am getting old...I date date...but will not take you serious if I know i cannot marry you..so yeah its that deep...

So I was like maybe time will tell....but I was more worried about him not beign from where I am from...he thinks so as long as we Nigerians it does not matter where u r from...I think the same too...but Mama Omodun ...Baba Omodun will not...how do I go and introduce this dude called Ekponla to my parents ...my mama go just faint..and wait till they hear he comes from that tribe where they stereotype them as witches ...oh they say they eat human flesh too...then my mama go start fasting and prayers..,...that woman...mmmmhh...
Anyway i would wanna please them but if I know its worth it I dont care what they say , if I wanna keep him , I will..cos to me hes just Nigerian and does not matter where he is from...they be lucky i no bring Demory, Tyrone or Bryan...if i bring oyibo or akata come they'd b glad if i settle for kofi nana from ghana...

But I was just thinking if am gonna argue with my parents over someone he better be worth it...which after a while I did not think it was...
You know when love dey block ur brain..una no dey tink straight....anyway a cousin of his came over..and at some point they were speaking their language..then it struck me..this one wey u dont know what dem they say....if dem go set u up and sell u to slave masters una no go know...with all their zulu dem b talking...am like...mehn...how will this ever work...i cannot stop a man from been himself...i cannot stop someone from speaking their lang...how do I plan to sustain a relationship with language barrier..thats why i keep saying reality is a bitch...I did not know what they were saying and it might not be about me...just made me see the bigger picture that ..if i see my ppl and  i speak my lang..would i have to be translating everytime......??....i mean not a problem if with jobo we communicate most time in english..infact that one dey always piss me off..everytime i will be speaking my lang to him he will be replying me in english...but he don tay with me for so long he speaks my lang like no tommoro am sorry i just love my lang too much....u just gotta love it!!!....but all in all..it still didnt matter that much..but yes it mattered...

That and dude travels too much..in and around the states....Nigeria everywhere...come on how do u trust that kind of person, no matter how golden your pussy is...no be naija man??...he might even have wives around each town he touches. All of these and am catching some few hints and vibes..they are not concrete enough so I wont even bother to write about it...

GOD sometimes I wish they could all be perfect like Rotimi....oops...that was not suppose to come out...but it has I might as well give you the lowdown....see Rotimi as his name implies in yoruba ,it means stay with me...always with me...u get the gist someone that is with u in any situation...well he has been in my life since I was 14. Infact Rotimi was my first Sexual experience , first oral sex experience, u name it ...Rotimi was my first.

When I close my eyes and think...Rotimi knows me, he knows when I need drama in my life and needs to start up a fight, he knows when to say sorry or when not to say sorry at all. hes where i want him to be at the time I want him to be...Rotimi knows my mood...Rotimi knows my Body......as i grew from a teenager and evolved into a woman , rotimi changes....sometimes he's darker...sometimes he's ligther.

Rotimi touches me at all the right places...rotimi would kiss me passionately and gently
He listens to my moans and response..he would pause for a second like to receive my response and then proceed to kiss me in intense places...
He slowly undresses me, while casting glances at my facial expression, he listens to every vein and muscle movement of my body, he kisses me on my nipples , while i let  a loud moan out...he kisses me on my neck and exclaims..GOD u smell so good..he slowly works his wet lips from my breast to my belly.....then to my clitoris...he would kiss it so passionately with rythimical movements, while i moan with pleasure...the more I moan the fast rotimi rubs his tounge and lips on my clit, then he slips his tongue in to my vagina...gosh it feels so good...he slowly works his way back up..this time he postions his mouth near my ears...kisses me and whispers...Gosh u have a beautiful body....I shiver as am yet to recover from the moments of pleasure Rotimi just gave me...

Then he holds his penis raises his body so I can see the length and the thickness ..I look and gasp in pleasure at the thought of his penis inside me....oh he is such a tease....he would put his penis on my vagina lips and rub it slowly....then lies back lightly on me and moves my body close to his as if to hug me ,while he feels me with his one finger....and he says .....I love you...baby you are so tight and wet....he keeps whispering as he struggles to fit his manly finger in my vagina....he takes his penis again and puts it on my vagina door-way pausing for a second to see my reaction to the arrival of his head on its way inside me....he watches as i lay helpless and every blink of my eyelashes says I cant wait to have him..then he penetrates....he goes deep , make sure I can feel his dick in everypart of my body via my vagina....I moan loudly like am running mad, rotimi realises his baby is in oblivon...he moves steadfastly..he moves faster ...he pumps ...he dwells...he beats...he makes it hard...then he goes gentle until hes see my body yearn for more.....then he goes faster...he fires again...I moan ...I scream....I scream...I love it....I can feel it in my stomach....it fills me up...I know his presence...ahhhhhhh!!!..then he brings it down...takes it out,.....positions me on my stomach...then he slowly lifts me up to my knees...he slightly bends me over...and takes his long thick penis to find my vagina....he moves ..this time fast...faster than lightening...I scream...no not for help...but cos am in another world...not of pain...oh gosh ...i dont have a word for it....he knows when I've had enough ..he knows I rarely climax with his penis inside of me...so he takes it out..while am still trying to balance and trying to figure out what hit me...he gently places me in his gentle arms and puts me back lying on my back....and looks at me lovingly as am still gasping from the effect.

My baby whispers..you are special my baby...works his lips slow to my clitoris...and methodically places his tongue on my clit in a way it does not hurt..and he works it ....one minute his tongue is fighting wars with my clitoris...next his tongue is making love to my clitoris...then before i know it...i see a flash like a lightening,......then my veins , my muscles,my blood, my skin all over my body rises ...every part of my body rises like its about to go some place and has no idea where it is....then.....I climax...I cum......I grab his body agressively while i hold on to him as if not to let me slip away...then i see my body in break in spasm....i hold him and moan and scream..I hold on to him for 2 minutes...jerking....then I start breathing heavily....my eyeballs change...and I realise all is calm and hes there....my body becomes tired ..... I came.

mmmhh sometimes I wish i could marry Rotimi...but...I know I cant or maybe I can...maybe someday...u see my ppl ROTIMI is not real....Rotimi is my imagination and the man in my dreams that has been following me since I was 14..he is what I want my man to be...sometimes I ask him when we meet up in my imagination why does he not wanna come into my life as a real person...he replies he wishes he could and is waiting for that time and hes always saying he will come ..he keeps saying he surely will....maybe some day he will go into a real life man and possess him and love me the way he does in my imagination ......where everything about him is perfect..his shortcomigs are perfect...his wrongs are perfect.....
I dont think its Ekponla or joboyo ...neither all the other men in the past....or could it be Ekponla...??...nah....am confused but am happy cos I sleep with him every night i lay my head to go to sleep.....he takes me away from harsh realities sometimes....its so sad hes not physically by me....

Anyway still dont know where am going with Ekponla...but am not so hopeful..hints..vibes...i dont think its him..but am not going to conclude until am proven right by facts..

ITS 2007 BABY...MISSED U GUYS.....HOPE THIS YEAR IS BETTER THAN THE LAST..AND HOPE ITS JOY FILLED....MY PEEPS ..WHATS GOING ON......

yours truly
Omodun.....

THE PERSON WEY BATHE WITH FAECES WILL FIGHT WITH FLIES....

......exactly ooooo....as the yoruba saying goes...eni to ba fi igbe we..a ri ija eshin shin ...my ppl its JOBOYO again ooo....huuuhhnnnn...am shouting now ooo....make una no say una no know wetin dey happen ooo....hes getting on my nerves again oo...

Okay heres the deal..am sure u guys been wondering if I still dey with JOBOYO....yup....I am with him but on part-time basis..we sat down and I discussed with him that okay look...we continue lieing to ourselves and say we are together right?..but if I come tommorow and say I wan leave you have to agree with me.....so in short we dey and we no dey..I told him thats the best I can do and the other thing I can do is just to cancel out the relationship..seeing that am not even ready for it...ur dear Joboyo agreed. .....so we've been doing fine oo...no problem problems....I go about mines he goes about saying he has a gf..me i no fight am on that one...but anyway...hes not disturbing me when I dont want to be disturbed shei?...good dealo......until he called me one evening....and was like.....

JOBOYO: Hey 'modun wassap , please I need u to do me a favor...
Me:  Wats it hon?
JOBOYO: mmmhh okay...ummm its like....welll....umm
ME: Are u okay?...
JOBOYO: Oh yeah sure...am very well okay..I was just wondering if you could come over my place in a week and a half
ME: *hiss* is that what u are finding hard to say ...off cos I can why not if yes....
JOBOYO; Well yeah....umm I will be having someone over .....
ME: errr...like what kinna of someone...
JOBOYO: Well...my favorite uncle...hes very dear to me and hes going to be in town and I want to impress him..
ME: So how do I come in and help you with that ....how will me being there impress ur uncle...
JOBOYO:  *Silence* *cricket*
ME: Look jobos...I hope u did not tell your uncle you have a gf...huhh???
JOBOYO: umm well I did....
ME: U did whatttttttttttttttt ( now i for don dey spark)....nahhh u ain right...u have to be kidding me......

Infact men need to be signing contract these days upon all I told this guy about the situation and how I wanna take my time he don go to one of his family members and told them he has a gf?????...I mean whats wrong with these cats these days..
Anyway na so i saprk oo....una don dey craze ..this that ...am dissapointed now i dont even wanna know u anymore..its over cancel it......u now pressuring me..I said I wanted some time..now see wat u doing.,...... off cos typical joboyo na silence...shaaaa na so i rake like rabied dog...ol boy no say nothing ....and i was like are u there.....and he said "yeah"...as if that was like some ignition...my head spark again..yeah ??? ....yeah??...is that all u will say to this yeah??......he then went...okay I know what the deal is between us...and I respect it...but we are still together ain we?...well I said not anymore...and he was like look I understand u need ur space and time, but please consider me and sometimes treat me as someone with feelings...u know u mean so much to me and thats why I agreed that we ease off..trust me if it was some other girl I will be long gone.... I was like pele ooo....

then he asked me OMODUN DO YOU WANNA BE WITH ME OR NOT ??????????
okay guys ..dats not an ordinary "do you wanna be with me or not oo" the tone by which my jobos said it..I knew he meant business....I fell silent..cos seriously that question is one of the tough questions i've been trying so hard to find the answer...yeah I want Jobos....but sometimes I dont.....yeah hes a good man and he spoils me silly...but no am not ready to take the plunge...might be am scared of marriage i unno....but anyway  I said i think we need to talk...he said fine..I will be at ur place in a mo'...*click* ...hung up..... ohhh boy I knew my part time lover will not take it easy with me...I knew I had to gaurd my loins cos when Jobos comes he comes correct......I knew I was not dealing with no Idiot when hes up and ready to go.

To be fair...Joboyo has been living on my terms, abiding by my rules...however ridiculous and bogus the terms sound..he has taken everything so far..he has been a faithful lover (well at least i havent caught him ..and trust me i have agents all around..and my ears be antenna...so u best be using some black power if i no catch u...ppl pay me to bust their partner arses..so yeah omodun got it like that).....and yeah hes been his sweet gorgeous self...and I respect him a lot so...u must understand why i was slightly disturbed and nervous he was coming over...cos when hes ready to be firm he will be....

But trust me Jobos is smart ...but omodun is smarter ..at this point I started mapping out my strategy..trying to figure our what to do...so I slip in one of my sexy , but suggestive outfits...popping out all my 34D's and packaging my proportioned portable arse.....looking muahhhhh...I knew this would not fail...ahhh jobos....the only way is if he does not see the twins...but with them saying hi..i have the key to his soul...

So i checked the mirror my face looking on point..I heard him at the door...he came in...and could not say a word for a minute...I knew his iris don capture my twins oo..am like wow men shaa..cos of boobs...i bet he lost it at that point...he came in..still silent.....and went like...I really need to know.... I went like know what ...
he said...look u know why am here....its hard for me to do .. its not easy just been on the side and to be shoved around at will...not especially if the person invloved means the world to u...am sorry I cannot function well with that arrangment..

U know me shei defense mechanism..I went then fine..do you...like I said earlier ..cancel it..I didnt even wanna be in it anyway( I was thinking bitch sure u did).....he looked down at me...GOD those goorgeous eyes and lips of his...okay my ppl...my kini was starting to get wet...mehnn....at that point maybe I realised I Loved this guy and did not want to aknowledge it....
I so wanted to rush in his arms and say I LOVE YOU....and he just said to me before I could get the chance.. I LOVE YOU and will never STOP ..if me leaving will make you happy ..I will...but u will still remain special in my heart...I was trying so hard to say I LOVE YOU TOO...but my liver will not let me..I tried...yes I tried....he turned to go then I finaly found my voice....JOBO wait...am sorry..... like what>??????...what did i just say....well thats what me sef heard myself say...I just thought maybe I was too harsh on him and taking advantage of his love,....and its not like I dont have feelings for him..I dont knowwww.....I was just a mess...but then it wasnt showing on my face...thanks to mac finish foundation..ladies u know what i mean ....

Anyway at that point I knew he was waiting for an answer and he was not playing..I knew I had to act fast....I just went silent put on that sexy look and the rest is history....ehhn??......I cant hear u? ...u wan know exactly what happend?....chei....see me see yawa oo......see these kids....ahh turn ur lights down low...draw the curtain...na idan be dat one.......neway sha if u dont get it ..then maybe u ain suppose to....na the power of obo....ummmm...did I type that..okay now...

Ummmm when he came back to life..he was like baby .....will u be there please??.....hhahahahahaa ..I was cracking up real good am like men shaaa....I just felt lemme just do this for him...and I agreed to be a host to his uncle when he comes...but I said I would not really cook everything..but I can throw down a mean Egusi Soup...and hes gon get the rest of the stuff ...like the pounded yam and stuff...he was like Realllyy??...Oh Thank you ....like pikin wey dem give candy...u guys see am nice now oo..una no commend me...he was like its okay if am not even gonna cook just wants me to be there...i was like nahh lets impress ur uncle...my efo elegusi never fails.....:wink:

So shaa....fast forward and the day came , uncle in town blah blah,....I too was doing the faithful small wife...putting finishing touches to my part-time boo's house...we did the cooking and was waiting for them..when ding dong!!! door bell rang ...we knew it was uncle ...we both got up and went to the door...it was uncle alright but in came in with him one ashewo looking girl...u go know say na dem aristo girls for naija...

Okay lemme give u a brief gist about joboyo's uncle...hes one of those top dog politicians in naija...very prominent person in lagos and Abuja..and yeah hes loaded...but I must say I was dissapointed the man was going about with girls younger than his daughters....

...i said my greetings to the old man ...but inside i was like da heck??..what kinna rubbish is joboyo putting me through now...the uncle was like ahh Iyawo miii....Joboyo kilode......(ahh my wife..why joboyo?)..why is she not pregnant and u not married yet.....we all bursted out laughing...but uncle kept looking at me funny and was like...mmmhh beautiful ....boorifull..omo daada....(good girl)
 ...i was like ummm...e b like this one get as e be oo....anyway...na so i drag my boo to the corner..I was like but Jobos whats happening am sure that ain ur uncle's wife...dont tell me u brought me here to host ur uncle and his gf?....when u know hes married...joboyo was like ehn ..am surprised too..I thought he had changed...

I was like I dont like this arrangment..what kinna rubbish is this..that means you will do the same thing later on in life...cos u r condoning it....jobos was like hey hey..take it easy I dint know he was going to show up with some girl...am sorry...am not happy about it...but u know hes my very older uncle...i dont know...maybe I will take it up with him later...I was like jobos am leaving I dont wanna be part of this....he said...oh please just for me...okay?....okay oooo

Okay abi...so I stayed back....so it was time to eat.....and u know some pple will not eat pounded yam with fork...na so I hear that stupid ashewo girl say ...heeyyy get me some water to wash my hands!!!...yeparipa.....my eyes and jobos eyes do 4 one time.....I could see he knows am about to go haywire....

okay true i know I look young...and yeah when u see me I look like dem ode ajebota kids...whereas am ghetto and aje paki as hell...ask my mom no matter how much she tried to culture and mould me...no ...no be omodun...na omodun u go see with the razz kids in the neighbourhood...infact at some point my mama gave up...lets just say razzo dey for my blood....and pple dont really get to know until they do something like this...this girl couldnt have been more that 5yrs older than iam and u have the audacity to ask me to get u water to wash ur hands...and u cant even ask nicely..ohh hell NOO....not when ur arse is a freaking hoochie girl who has bleached all her life away with Tura cream following a grandpa who is fixing to go to his grave?...hell to tha motafucking NOOOOOOO....no be me? been there done dat..when omodun was omodun...u take money from those kinna of men but dem no go ever see the color of ur panties...just rub dem bald head...take big cash once and vanish...u dont go back and let some old wrinkly dicked old man be tossing ur salad...ewwwwww....

Sha ...na so i got some stew put it in the a bowl of water....pretended as if I was bringing water to for her to wash ...and I MISTAKENLY spilled everything on her....hahhahahahahaha........psssshhh off cos I did it on purpose but wanted it to look like a mistake cos of jobos uncle.....lol...come see the warey......ouchh !! ouch !!.....wat is dese now.....olodo araoko girl do u say ouch to cold water?...when its not hot water I poured on u ...infact I wish i made it hot...local razz girl...she too wan pose...she was like ah ahn how can u spill water on me?...am like next time carry ur walmart $19.99 pillow looking arse go get some water and dont ever speak to me like that again...

ol gurl lost her voice for a minute...uncle was just chopping egusi like im never see food before....yup my egusi was dat mean..i even wee wee inside am...dats the secret of good egusi soup wey go make married man with 6kids live im wife and pikins pack comot come meet concunbine ..just kidding ooo....but yup uncle was just eating his food pretending as if he did not see whats going on...
Then Jobos went sorry...please get her  a towel...I was like.. u take ur own hands go dry cleaner....hissed and walked away.
Now this nigga has the audacity to be telling me I was disrespecting him in front of his uncle....mmmhhh u see now ooo..i didnt even wanna come after this nigga begged and begged...this is all I get...ehnn??...when u give a man a yard ..he takes the whole nine yards...or something like  that or how do they say it...anyway am mad at him..see why i dont like doing wifey to these men...this is what becomes of it....I've not been picking up his calls..cos am mad at him..e don start but he left a message that his uncle left some money and gifts for me...ummm...how we for do...so i for call him later shaa...after I stop being mad at him..abi now..who like free money

My pples... Omo..girl wassaap with u....I dey ooo...na life and thangs take me waka...am trying my best to always check up on u guys...sweetie....how u doing with ur bad self....be good pples...omodun don bounce like ping pong egg..Peace.

PERILS OF A SINGLE WOMAN IN YANKEE AND OTHER SHENANIGANS

FIRST OF ALL ATTENSHUNN!!!!...I TROWAY UNA SALUTE UR SIDE....MAKE UNA CATCH AM.. IF YOU LIKE DEY LOOK AM LIKE LUCOZADE..E GO

FLY OVER YA HEAD..just kidding ..mehn longest time everyone....i hope y'll doing great. Yours truly has truly been caught up trying to acheive her dreams...mehn ko easy mehn...yoruba ppl will say ko easy lati je omo obirin, which means its not easy to be a woman...which na correct yarns....before ur husband and children eat, before you wash ur husband clothes...before you wipe shit off his yansh ...mmmh its not easy...ok seriously yup 've been caught up with a series of things...but yup yup yup trust ur home gurl gist dey like dekpe inside cooler...just havent had the time to blink my eyes...talk less of opening my computer...

So in my thinking about the travails of womanhood, it has brought me to pen down some of those things precious nigerian women go through especially in diaspora.  We all know the most problem in the Nigerian society today...Failed Marriages and a lot of relationship wey get im leg embedded in P.O.P(plaster of paris)..in short broken relationships...

I have a friend, shes 34years old...pretty and all...you dey think what i dey think ba?...why so difficult to get married..I mean its a different thing if you dont wanna get married , i will even support you thats if you really dont want too oo..but ol girl dey look seriously but mehn you know how yoruba ppl say ti oba pe lori imi kimi..eshin keshin ma ba e nibe...that is to say...if you stay long on some watery arse naija style shit...na different kinds of flies go cover u up...if u stay too too long enough different grades of fly like tse tse fly..fly wey get 8 eyes go meet you for there...thats what my friend is going through now. They are now hooking her up with different kinds of men wey no even enter setting.

The most funny and recent one was one old arse guy they introduced to her...you know dem baba wey dey struggle to piece went + somewhere together when they finaly do it they say I wented somewhere....when she told me she was hooked up I was like ope ooo thank GOD..and she went on to say the guy cant speak english am like girl that dont matter shiiiii..na oyinbo we wan chop , but mehn I spoke to Mr Egbon..my perspective changed a lil bit, but I paused for a minute and was like what importance really does english hold in trying to get a partner..she was like ehn the kids, imagine their father wont be able to speak correct english...blah blah..so what?..he ain oyinbo abi why is that a sin..I mean I could understand if she simply said hes not my type thats more defining....anyway that coupled with the fact that shes not attracted to him...women shaa...now you know he has scattered teeth after he paid for your trip to paris and back....now his lips are ashy ba....

Anyway Ekanem is a woman that has been through a lot in her life . she had about 4 abortions 2 I witnessed..and yes am even being nice by saying 4..forreals....made a lot of mistakes...wasted her lot of pples time and in turn wasting hers..you know the am a fine girl mentality I will get any kind of guy now...any of the fine ladies like me feel me on this ..anyway now shes calmed down....in all of this shes one of the nicest person you will ever know...now shes stayed off sex for at least 3yrs..and is trying to find a good man...but dat one na beans for this yankee e nor easy ooo....na awon akushe and awon oni kurana and dem kinna men una go dey meet..infact shaa...i quiet for the husband market for yankee..that one na for another day wey i go call these yeye naija men out..
Sometime it scares me cos I see me like that if I encourage some of the attitude I have to life right now and dont caution myself...Pple dont get me wrong oo..I dont feel shes pathetic or her situation is sad like most local 9ja ppls will think if a woman no marry after 30 na disease:rolleyes:...I just feel for her when she tries so hard...and upon all this shes always happy for other ppl and always trying to hook ppl up sef..

That one na one...another friend of mine too..this one funny sef....na church situation....so Ngozi has been a member of this church...so sister Ngozi Meets Brother Dapo...right....brother Dapo dey become extra friendly with sister ngozi...sis Ngozi dey fall in love small small...but all this while brother dapo no come correct on what his stand is...Sis ngozi secretly wishes bro Dapo would make her his GF....but Bro Dapo no say pim...when time come to press boobs...na so Bro Dapo's ear go grow like anthenna and im hand go just dey do robocop left right and center..anyway what i dont get is why these yeye men dey do like so..i mean getting pucci ain hard nowadays now...akata babe sef before you say open.. shes dropping her pata like its hot waiting for action...I mean why do have to play silly kindergaten games...huh??...
Anyway sis Ngozi is fustrated and confused...and this silly bro dapo na so e go dey flirt in church with other girls oo...infact I greet GOD say una weldone im get patience...mo ki olorun ku suru...cos someone is using holyghost take style press your boobs... may God forgive us..

Whoops guys I gotta  go ....maybe i go have part 1 ...or maybe 2....or maybe 3  ?? 4 ?? talking about 9ja women bahh i know una no wan make i bore you with that...I didnt intend it to be this short ..but i gotta run...I still have more gist but time ain my best friend these days...hope to visit y'll real soon...everybody please take good care of yourselves..i'll be back....

MAMA OMODUN GANGSTAR MOM IN TOWN AND MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK BATTERIES MALFUNCTIONING

Remind me never to go shopping with my mom. Oh lawd, so shes in town and we be catching up on all dat mother and daughter stuff , lecturing me and giving me encouraging words and prayers dat i need to survive in this crazy world. So we went to shop at some stores. Now my mama be old school, u know them marks and spencer wearing old school set, if u watch some mothers do have them, u know how dem women go wear tights and nack leggings on top, then wear another thick gown,exactly dats wat she is like, na by force shes wearing jeans and t-shirts. But wat i like my momsie for is dat as conservative as she is she manages to look radiant and in style. With her big fashion bones and her well set hair-style . Okay yeah, marks and spencer no dey yankee now so the closest to marks and spencer be Marshall fields.... Ohh shit ugly overpriced outfits. Before we got to marshal fields, I told mom I wanted to check some outfits in a forever21 store(i know right my old arse no wan grow anymore) they had manequins wit new stuff out and my mom went , oh u want to buy pant and bra in the lingerie store?? I was like No i see some nice stuff i wanna go in and check (big mistake.)
Mama Omodun come say  they r not selling shirt and skirts here now....and I said mommy wat is it now it fashion. Na so she raise her voice in the middle of the mall,she said, ema gbami ke, young lady what r u turning into?...when I was ur age I dressed suggestively and decent not put on some trashy clothes dont u know dat "iri ni si ni ishe ni lojo"(ppl treat u with respect if u put up a respectable appearance). I wonder wat goes on in u young ladies head. Thats how I saw one child like this wearing u know dat net fishermen use to catch fish, she now sow am to blouse and she wear am on one material dat looks like d leather my bag is made of. What is wrong with you?, at your age u should be dressing like a respectable woman ( oh boy teen years just dey play all over again). She went further, dont you know now that marriage is the next thing for u ( forreals??)..as if she read my mind YESSS GET MARRIED NOW...a woman is like powdered peak milk once opened...u will soon expire.....( wa ko buu sori igba)... You think u r fine I was hot during my days, can u see I have grown old and Thank God am responsibly married what if I have no man who will be with me, I have raised no fool as a daughter and no child of mine will behave as such. Look at ur mouth like fashion , wat do u know about fashion uhnn?...before i even conceived u I'd be so into fashion, mini-skirts ,afro pops, clogs, b4 going to shoulder pads...aiye jerry curls, perming..hot comb u name it . U can be in fashion and yet u will still look decent and well primed.
All of u looking like ego-ta-mo bus, like mosquitoes in ajegule wearing skirts. Your body should be a temple where your husband should worship. I dont like this kind of life u r living. All u do is go to work work work,....when will u start having my grandkids?

To be honest i never expected my mom to talk this way. But i guess old age is catching up on her. haba isnt this the same Mama Omodun who forced me to do chemistry and sciences just cos she said she wants me to do it and she believes I can?..isnt this d same woman who made sure I got no food if my grades was one point below normal?...isnt this the same woman who is always constantly reminding me when i was growing up that as a woman d sky is my limit?..dat I can be more than I can imagine?..isnt the same woman that doesnt believe in gender discrimination and would make my brothers do the same share of housework as me so we all thot we were equals?. Shes now suddenly talking about how women are different from men and how I might soon expire, if not for the LORD she serves and how clean her heart is to other ppl.
Shuuu, I was like silent, dem no born me to say pim, cos trsut me she can slap me in dat mall if i say the wrong thing. Na so I went silent sha didnt say anything we got her things and I wasnt talking to her. I was pretty upset. You see in as much as my mom is my bestfriend shes also my worst critique and sometimes could be my enemy. When we fight we r like 2 bull none of us backs down easily. I looked forward to her coming and I have enjoyed and treasured every moment we spent together, why she have to mess it up by touching my personal life?, does she think it was back when i was 11 and i was developing breast she would barge in my room and touch my boobies like wats she hiding?. Sometimes Owonifaari( dats my mothers first name) annoys me shaa.
I guess my mom could read my mood so she kept silent too after a while. We got back home and I went str8 to my room while she went to cook. I was surprised she didnt come in my room to drag me into the kitchen, cos according to her anytime shes in the kitchen I must stay there too, even if I dont do anything. I guess she knows am not to happy with all she said earlier.
We ate dinner almost in silence and I said Goodnight and went to sleep after talking with a few friends.

Trust me ke I dint tell joboyo my mom was in town just yet..am still looking for the right time to tell him...yeah right when i see my mama's head getting into the plane back abi?....okay u must not blame me. The way joboyo is hes always looking for an excuse to get to know any of my family member, if i tell him, he can turn up at my door and say he wan take my mama shopping and u know my mother she will not let me rest once shes sees a young man dat dedicated on my trail. Now... not dat I dont want jobos but I dont want outside forces to pressure me into being with him for an extended period. You should understand why I didnt tell him seeing as I dont trust joboyo cos his captain-save-a-ho moves can be annoying at times. Okay for example theres was a time Jobo's was in my house and I was talking to my fam back home. It was during christmas and I was like am short of cash blah blah....not knowing jobos was eaves-dropping on my convo. Some days after i shaa noticed jobos was asking about where we live in naija , d address and blah blah , I was thinking Oh maybe he just wants to know more about me..me too ode,....I didnt even see it coming na so i mention our street...and he said..ahh i know someone around dat area...am like forreals?...he said yeah and said wats d exact number...me too give him d 411 like dindinrin...shaa a week later I called my fam only for my papa to be yarning opaks like ...ahhhhh ur husband's ppl brought some xmas goats and cash or gifts for us why did u not tell us about him.....oh lawd have mercy I have never been so angry in my life....and when am angry wat I do is I make sure I calm down cos trust me nothing good comes out of my mouth when am angry regardless of who am talking to. First of all I was like...who dash me husband.? and I was like daddy when did u sell ur daughter to a man and u dint even tell her..?..... he went like wat do u mean are u not d one who gave d man our address and told him to bring all of those things...am like egbami what man ke?...i hope u have not killed d goat or na ram...if u have eaten it u berra no digest am yet cos some of yll will have to re-produce am from ur stomach.....and i went who did he say his name was ...my father said well d person who brought it said it was my husband(well am using husband losely u know yoruba ppl call ur bf ur oko/husband) dat lives in the states and his name is JOBOYO and he thot it was odd too cos I never told dem of him ...ohhh JESUS....LAWDDDD..I was furious and my father said they will return everything dat was why he'd asked no one to touch the things.... well u know its joboyo now...so i told them to keep it and get some gifts for them in return as xmas presnt..not accepting it would be insulting jobo in front of his  family he sent....well indirectly..but yep u right again..Omodun took it up with him and for 2 weeks he saw pepper....from dat i have learnt not to tell him stuff about my family ....so u see where am coming from. So these days I call joboyo before he has a chance to call my home number...yes ke one must be smart.

So we r undergoing some training in my department..dont you just hate the quarterly training companies give to their employees all in the name of learning and devlpt or one fancy name bullshit?....so now all those ppl i just say hi to and walk on by...u know d kind u go dey say hi while walking 10 steps per minute u dont even give em a chance to stop u and tell u "oh my back...it hurts...u know i ate mexican yesterday..." and all dat nonsense...oyinbo ppl shaa...akata worse pass.....girlll  y'll know wat tyrone did me yesterday...am like huhn huhn u gots to take care of ur baby..."
infact I feel like strangling most of d akata women i know....well all those ppl wey b say na hi hi...we r forced to be in the same class now....talk about hell...bunch of ppl whom i aint have nothing in common with. All they talk about is babies , babies daddies and mommies...sit at home bf..even d white ones i tire....i tire for that class shaa...sometimes I just get real irritated....
But sometimes dem stories can be real funny.....make i tell u my ppl...b careful wat u laugh at...d kind of laughter wey u go laugh wey go put u for trouble pray to GOD make una no laugh am...so shaa one of them was talking about her deranged senile grandmother in-law....she said she so psycho..she can just sit at d dinner table and go " natalie does my grandson please u in bed??"..in front of everybody in the family...oh go ....u looking fat... do u have HIV...u know d new disease...theres another one..I dont know its name...but its deadly.....lol i only thot na black ppl get warey but turns out white peeps are most psychoes....d old woman whenever they go eat out she go pack salt , pepper, straws anything...na so i dey crack up on her stories...but out of everybody na my own laughter loud pass...na so they went hey wat about you??....i was like ??????....you married?....ohhh lawd...hell NO i ain gonna fall into this trap,....I went errmm........*clear throat* am actually anti-marriage.......ehn ehn what?...see this dolo alakoba oo..u wan make i say i dey engaged to joboyo so the next time michelle sees me in the corridor she goes...when is ur wedding how are the plans going? and GOD forbid bad thing , joboyo and I don dabaru everything in a bad way come bring back bad memories and tell her we broke up and she gon go to the 3rd floor to kimberly and say u know OMODEUN is not engaged anymore..like tota'lly not fenny...i wonder wat happend..kimberly go tell keisha...keisha go tell tekima...girll u know omodeun ain gat no dick no wonder she always looking sad and bit'er (keisha of cos is bitter all becos i refuse to lend her 200 dollars last month so any negative thing she go use against me biko)...hian God Forbid....me i dey soji oo...i no dey fall for dat kain thing at all at all.....I guess dat shut dem up..cos there was another guy who just went thru a divorce and is so anti-women ...so he took over I was relieved....

In all of this..I was feeling funny..like me too wan have pikin and blah blah and I was like why dont u wanna get married...?..ur mama is on ur neck...joboyo is on ur neck .....and ur clock is ticking...actually the batteries dey mis-work now ....but psshhh when I get home I realise why am not ready yet and go back into my "am not ready yet" mode...when i go back to dat class my biological clock malfunctions again when they start sharing baby pictures....arrrggggh...but shuu ur girl ain finna getting married anytime now kan kan....shuuu......dat damn class will soon b over...am so glad...i havent learnt anything new...i have just been eating doughnut and drinking juice while sitting on my 30lbs ass inside airconditioned room..good way to while away harrowing 8 hours of corporate slavery.

Shaaa guys I know its been a while since I drop ooo..but no yawa shaa..none of u asked after me..e good like dat??..as una don read I have been caught up with a lot of stuff...u nkor...how una dey sef....